Wednesday, 7 January 2015

It sucks how you can never really know someone. You know only what they tell you and they only tell you what they want you to know. Then as you spend more time with them, you pick up on things and start to realise that things they've said don't quite add up, or their actions speak louder than their words.

It sucks when "I love you" just becomes three words with no meaning.


I first met G when I was still with D. We were at a party where I didn't know anyone except for the guys in D's band. None of their girlfriends were there and I wasn't aware that it was going to be outside basically in the middle of nowhere. D left me by myself most of the night. I had just quit smoking and was irritable.

I watched this good looking guy who was standing not far from me. He was with a little boy who I assumed was his son. He had a can of drink in one hand and he was a smoker. I desperately wanted to ask him for a cigarette, but I looked like shit and didn't want to embarrass myself. I watched him with his little boy and thought "he's a good Dad. A man who knows how to look after someone other than himself and who obviously likes kids".

A couple of months later, he was at another party I went to with D. When he first arrived, I caught snatches of a conversation and thought "wow, he's an arrogant arsehole!" (I wish now that I had stuck to that original impression). There was a little dog running around the property which I knew didn't belong to the owners of the place we were at. It was very similar to my dog. Imagine my surprise when I found out he belonged to G. Not the breed of dog I thought a guy like him would have. As the guys got up and had an impromptu jam, I stood where I had a good view of G. Not only could he play guitar better than D, he could sing too. And he was very attractive. My body started tingling. Things weren't going well with D but I definitely wasn't looking to cheat on him or get into another relationship. We were one of the last few to leave but G and I never said a word to each other.

I added him on Facebook but there wasn't any interaction between us. No hitting of the like button on posts or photos.
Until he found out D and I were over. Then I noticed he had liked a photo of my coffee machine I was selling. I wanted to know if he was interested in buying it and that lead to some flirting about him making the best cup of coffee and me saying I'd be the judge of that.

I had signed up to a dating site, just to see what type of guys were out there and which ones would be interested in me. I had posted about this on Facebook, not mentioning my username though. That night, I got a message on the dating site from G! My heart starting beating really fast. I didn't have a profile photo, so I assumed he didn't know it was me. I wrote back saying "this is freaky, but you sort of know me. You offered to make me the perfect cup of coffee!" I waited and waited for a reply but didn't get one. Oh well.

I received a reply when I woke up. Yes, he knew it was me. He had used info from Facebook like what I'd been cooking and what music I liked to find me. It had taken him a while. And he had really wanted to reply straight away but had to wait until his son was asleep.

This lead to the exchanging of numbers and long, late night texts getting to know each other. Even though he had to get up really early for work, he assured me that he could survive on very little sleep. (Funny how that changes when a baby comes along).
I was falling in love. This guy had taken the time to seek me out on a dating site, which showed interest, and he knew all the right things to say. I once joked that he must have a little book of lines that he referred to. He told me he was very honest and wouldn't keep anything from me. (All through the relationship he kept saying how honest he was and in my opinion, truly honest people don't keep going on about it).

It was around the same time that people were slowly beginning to leave my department due to the redundancies and every Friday night we were going out for drinks. Thinking that I was going to have a big night, I booked a hotel room for that coming Friday (before G had even contacted me). I decided to invite him to the drinks. Then I decided that I needed to meet up with him before that, I couldn't wait. I was so nervous and told him I'd probably just state at him and drool. He came over to my place and I made him dinner, then we went to my room to talk. When we kissed, it was the best kiss of my life.

We went out for drinks that Friday and he was going to stay with me in the hotel room. I had told the reception desk that he would be coming by for the second room key so he could go to the room and drop off his stuff before meeting me. When we got back there, I saw he had bought me beautiful flowers and had his acoustic guitar to serenade me. Yes, we did have sex that night. The intercourse wasn't as fantasic as the foreplay.

The next day, he drove me home. I was very happy and couldn't wait to see him again. My Dad warned me not to get involved with a man who had already been married (legally still was) and who had a child. This wasn't something I had originally wanted either, but you can't help who you fall in love with and he deserved a chance. G was worried that it was something that might have made me turn him down, but the fact that he wanted more kids kind of sealed the deal for me.

We spent as much time together as we could and had a lot of sex, which got better and better. He had an amazing body, sexy blue eyes and a butt smaller than mine. He loved to clean, could cook and so far was doing a great job of looking after me.

A few weeks later, I was pregnant.

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