Having another baby, while being single this time, has brought up the subject of surnames.
I had no hesitation in giving L her Dad's surname as I believed one day we would be married and I would take on his name too. A comment from G later was she had to have his surname anyway - which is certainly not true. You can put down whatever surname you wish, as long as it's agreed upon.
There was a little incident the other day when the nurse rang me with L's swab results - "Hi, is that Mrs Smith*?"
"No, it's Miss Jones*"
"Oh, are you L's Mum?"
"Yes that's me"
Is this what I have to deal with until she is an adult? I know there are plenty of Mums out there who go through the same thing even being with their child's Dad, but I just found it annoying.
Now that G and I aren't together, I don't really want to give Little Mister just his surname, but I want my kids to have the same surname. I've been doing a lot of thinking and the easiest option would be to change my own surname to match L's. Yes, to most people this sounds bizarre or outrageous. Why on earth would I want to have the same surname as my ex? How would he react/feel about that? Well honestly I couldn't give a crap about his feelings on the matter and I wouldn't even tell him. It's would just be my legal name _ just like some teachers and business people use their maiden name for some areas of their life and their married name for others.
Option number 2 is to give Little Mister both of our surnames (but not hyphenated), then change L's surname to the same down the track, on the basis that I want my kids to have the same surname - this seems to be a valid reason in the eyes of the court system.
Option number 3 is to get G to agree to change L's surname to mine. Which I know there's no point in even asking.
I know this is not a big deal to most other people, but it is super important to me. People have said "but you'll get married and have a different surname again anyway" which is not actually on my agenda. I have no desire to get married any more, that part of my dream died when G broke my heart and took my trust with him. I'm not interested in finding another man, or introducing my children to a man who is more than likely to eventually leave. They don't deserve any more disruption in their lives than they'll already be dealing with.
*Not our actual surnames
I suggest you give your children your maiden name. If you are separated or divorced why would you want to give your children your ex's last name? It may also depend on how much time, if at all, your ex-partner is willing to spend with and be part of your children's lives. Choose wisely.
ReplyDeleteI was going to say the same thing. I have a friend who just changed her sons name to her own maiden name and it was a bit of a hassle and made her ex suddenly try and be part of his life again (and lost interest in 2 weeks like normal). Knowing almost nothing about your situation I would vote to name new baby with your own family name.
ReplyDeleteHi from ICLW! My husband's mom kept her ex husband's (my hubby's Dad's) last name long after their divorce and even after she married, because she wanted to make it as easy as she could. Although it's a bit strange now that hubby is 29 and she's been remarried for 26 years but at the time, it really helped to ease issues at school and the doctor. It's a tough decision and although the ideal one is to change L's...if her Dad doesn't agree you probably can't do it anyway....so either hyphenating or changing your name may be the best option. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHonestly I would give the new baby whatever last name you want him to have. Don't let the different last names for the sibling thing weigh too heavy on your mind, so many sibling groups have different last names these days that it wouldn't be a huge issue.
ReplyDeleteAlso I love this blog for baby name inspiration and here are all the posts she written that address the issue of surnames, maybe she'll have some thoughts on the subject? http://www.swistle.com/babynames/?s=surnames
I'm also here from ICLW. :)
Thank you for the link to the posts :)
DeleteTo be honest, G's surname is much nicer than mine and its suits L's name well. If she was going to have my surname I wouldn't have given her a one syllable middle name.
His surname would also make a great middle name for Little Mister.
I think I have decided to give Little Mister both of our surnames but not hyphenated and then try to get L's name changed to both too later on (before she starts school).
Thank you for the link to the posts :)
DeleteTo be honest, G's surname is much nicer than mine and its suits L's name well. If she was going to have my surname I wouldn't have given her a one syllable middle name.
His surname would also make a great middle name for Little Mister.
I think I have decided to give Little Mister both of our surnames but not hyphenated and then try to get L's name changed to both too later on (before she starts school).