Wednesday, 24 June 2015

the amount of fucks I don't give

G has found out about Z, not from receiving the birth registration but because I made a few posts on Facebook visible to people he knew and word got back to him as I knew it would. He rang my house phone, he rang my Mum's mobile, he rang my Dad's mobile. Finally my Mum sent him a text giving him my "special" number that I got especially for him to contact me on, so I don't get panic attacks every time I receive a call or text on my normal number thinking it may be him. I can turn this phone off and on as I choose.

The first text I got: "Hi it's G. How are you? So, is it true?"

Is what true G? That you're a lying jerkface? Yes that's true.

I sent back a nice reply along the lines of yes it's true, we created a perfect baby boy, born the day before your birthday, looks just like you and your brother when you were younger.

He's being nice back, playing on my emotional side,  but I see right through him. I know as soon as I say something he doesn't agree with he will turn nasty and threatening.

It's changed a lot for you has it? Oh, it hasn't changed anything for me at all. You kicked us out and got together with someone else pretty much straight away and then I found out I was pregnant again, now I have a 5 week old and a 20 month old but MY LIFE HASN'T CHANGED AT ALL? You miss out on bonding with our newborn son because of the choices you made. It's not like you can come into my house and bath him or feed him overnight and I'm not sitting around in your living room while you cuddle him for an hour.

I asked if he wanted to do a paternity test as he was not going to be getting one done behind my back like he did with L. He said he would order another internet cheapy.... ummm, no. We can get a proper one done and he can pay the full amount.
Our relationship was never the same after I kicked him out of the house I paid for as he didn't even try to make things work. Oh, he said the words and sent the texts that things would be better when his girls were back together and he made promises that he would look after us. All lies. He is talking about the house being a financial mistake for him - hahaha, he made 2 mortgage repayments, while I invested $140,000. Who really made the financial mistake?
Now I know the reason I haven't been receiving any child support then. Obviously told the mediator a lie when he said he knew he was "3 weeks behind and had I changed my bank details?" Stupid of me to believe he would honour our private agreement like he does with his ex wife. Pretty sure she would still be receiving her money though, wouldn't want to piss her off! And he's probably still able to buy cigarettes, drugs and alcohol and toys for his son every weekend.

When my Mum dropped L off for her last visit, a man answered the door and he said he was house sitting while G's parents were away. If G was actually living there, then why was someone else house sitting? But G says he's "living" there but "house sitting".... Do you house sit the place where you live?

Does the think I really care if he's in the dog house with his girlfriend? Not my problem! He must have lied to her in the beginning and told her that we hadn't been having sex. Why should she have a problem anyway? G and I were in a relationship at the time of conception, it's not like he cheated on her with me. She is also best friends with his ex wife, but him creating a baby with me while we were in a relationship and living together is wrong?

The change is still coming? What does he even mean by that?

I'm not stopping mediation when he was the one who initiated it in the first place. Plus it helps to have the parenting plan in place that someone else knows about so it protects me a little bit in case he does anything dodgy. It's not a legal document but at least it's something.

All I got out of the whole conversation was "boo hoo, poor me, I have no money and my girlfriend is pissed off with me and this is all about me and my feelings." Am I meant to feel sorry for him? Because I don't. I feel sorry for my babies that they have such a pathetic man for a father. I feel sorry that I have to send my little girl to see him for a few hours and she must be really confused as to why she is there, playing with this strange heavily-bearded man that calls himself Dad. The things he says are just so stupid - he got excited last weekend thinking L had done a poo, because he hasn't changed her poo nappy for so long! Maybe I should text him next time she does one so he can come over and change it? He misses out on doing those things because he CHOSE to just throw it all away.  He didn't fight for his family like he said he would, he cared more about himself and he still does. He can't have his cake and eat it too.

Let's see what bullshit he comes up with today...

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