I am a logical thinker. I always have been. Everything just seems to make sense when you really look at the facts and consider a situation from all sides. I wish everyone could apply logic to their thinking and not just believe what they hear.
FACT: I was not using him to just have a baby.
If that was the case, I wouldn't have told him I was pregnant. I would have stopped seeing him. I wouldn't have put $140,000 into buying a house for us.
FACT: Yes, I kicked him out the first time.
To be honest, I'd had enough. I didn't want him in the house anymore. I was stressed out, wasn't getting the support I needed with L and had to worry about the mortgage repayments. I had no say in how the money was spent, or how the house was decorated or even who came into my home and when. The house needed to be sold and his answer was "if you sell the house I will rent a place by myself". Very mature, very responsible, very considerate of his family's situation.
FACT: I still loved him and gave him a second chance.
I arranged relationship counselling because I wanted us to work out. He made promises to do this and that. He wanted to be with his girls, he hated us being apart. We rented a house together and I left my Dad and dog behind for him, for our little family, whichever was a major step for me as my Dad and I had relied on each other for so long.
FACT: I did not leave, I was kicked out.
Why would I have left a week before L's first birthday which should be such an exciting time for our family? Why would I want to create more work for myself by getting all my stuff out, unpacking it and getting L settled and rearranging her party all in a week? When someone says to you 3 times over the phone that they are packing up your things, I'm pretty sure that's being kicked out. He didn't mean packing up as in tidying and putting away.
FACT: I have not stopped him from seeing L.
He has the opportunity of seeing her here at her home where she is comfortable. He has chosen to only come around 3 times in 4 months. He told me he'd ask every day to see her - that's never happened. I've only received child support for 7 weeks out of the 4 months which is no big deal to me as we don't want his money. It's just the principle of him saying he'd do anything for her, but can't do something as simple as transfer money each week or fortnight. We have a private agreement because he knows he earns more than he tells the ATO so the amount that Centrelink says he should pay is incorrect. And of course we made the arrangement at the time we first separated but got back together, so I trusted that he would pay like he said he would and that I knew he did with his ex.
FACT: He has not contacted me in over a month to find out how L is.
Surely if he cared as much as he says he does he would have. But even when we were together I'd tell him things that she was doing or not doing and he wasn't interested.
FACT: He had a new girlfriend merely weeks after breaking up with me...
who also happens to be best friends with his ex - the woman he supposedly wants nothing to do with. And I just found out that his ex has a new boyfriend - the ex of her other best friend! Altogether there are 8 kids involved who all play with each other (not including L). I don't feel comfortable with that situation at all. Must be very confusing for the kids. I don't see how his family can be OK with the situation either - first he leaves his wife and their son, a couple of years later has another baby with someone else (and creates another one which he doesn't know about) then leaves her to go out with a family friend who has 5 children of her own to multiple men.
FACT: He's moved 40 minutes away, back up to where he said he'd never live again, obviously to be close to his girlfriend and son. Not a wise move if he wants to spend time with his daughter at his house. At the moment, the most time he would get is 2 hours... And 80 minutes of that will be eaten up in travel time. L will also fall asleep on both those drives, which will mess up her nap and sleep routine which will be something I have to deal with, not him. I don't expect him to live around the corner, but he could have at least shown some consideration if he actually cared to see her. The 40 minutes its would now take for him to get here to see her could be the difference of her being awake and happy or tired and grizzly or already asleep.
These are not actions of a family man who was heartbroken that his girlfriend and daughter had left him, nor are they actions of a man who really cares for his daughter. These are actions of a selfish and controlling man who only thinks of himself and does things when they suit him.
Another perfect example - when we were living apart I would let him know when L woke up from her morning nap so he could come around and see us. You would expect at 10-11am he would be ready and waiting. Every single time I was told "I'll just have a coffee then I'll be over" or "I'll just have a shower and something to eat". Or while I was having a hard time getting her to sleep I'd get a text to say "good luck. I've just watched 4 episodes of *insert TV show*"
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