Wednesday, 15 July 2015

nice try, but no

On Monday morning I had another mediation session, this time I did my part over the phone.

When I was first called, the mediator let me know that he was going to put me on speaker and that G was in the room. I said I wasn't comfortable with that and preferred he was in another room. So he went into another room and called me back and I apologised for making his job harder, I just didn't want G to hear me if I got emotional... and the fact that I ramble when I'm nervous and sound like an absolute idiot.

It was a bit annoying that the session wasn't with the lady we'd had for our previous sessions as she knows our situation, so I had to explain a lot of it again - the reason for not telling him about being pregnant etc.

So anyway, he spoke to G first and said "G is asking for alternate weekend visits" and I replied "OK, yep that's what we've been doing, every second Saturday for 3 hours".
"No, he's talking about staying over Friday night through to Sunday afternoon".

Excuse me? How did we go from 3 hours to a whole weekend?
We were building up to that one 3 hour visit, starting at 1 hour and increasing by half an hour. I was too shocked to even ask exactly where he thought she would be staying, if she would be sleeping in a cot or bed, sharing a room or have her own room. Nope, I'm not agreeing to that. More 3 hour visits which can be increased to longer when her routine changes. At the moment she naps from 1:30 and can sleep between 2-4 hours. Her tea time is 5-5:30. Her bed time is 7:30. I'm not making her nap time later to accommodate a longer visit, as that makes her tea time and bed time later. L will decide herself when she no longer wants to have an afternoon nap, same as she decided she no longer wanted a morning nap.

The mediator went back to G and then said yes to the 3 hours but no restrictions. Again, I didn't agree. The same restrictions would be in place as they currently were - L was to stay at G's parents house and his girlfriend and her kids were not to be there. Very surprised when the mediator got back to me and said the session was over and he'd write out the new parenting plan and send it out. G knew that he wasn't going to get what he wanted (again) and to just take what was being offered.

We also discussed Z. Fair enough that G wants to see him, but he has not signed any paperwork to say that he's the father and he didn't confirm with the Child Support Agency that he was the father, has told me he has doubts yet told the mediator he doesn't have doubts and doesn't deny he's the father but wants a paternity test. Even the mediator was a little confused by this.
Information will be sent to us about using the Child Contact Services - a place where I can take Z and then G can spend time with him while he is supervised by someone from the centre. I don't think it's fair to put my Mum in the position of taking Z into his parent's house when she drops L off and then sit there while he has a cuddle. She also doesn't want him in her house again, especially now as we're in the process of moving.

Now I just wait and see what happens next. We were both told to seek legal advice (which I already have). It's not that I am denying him seeing Z, I just need the paperwork signed or the proper paternity test done first and will take him to court to get that done if I have to.

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