All The Dirty Laundry

Because I had an emergency c section with L, I have the option of an elective this time. Which means I have to decide what I want to do and brings up all these different feelings.

As you know, I'm a very sentimental and emotional person. I know there's no right or wrong way for a baby to be brought into the world, it's either the vagina or the belly and it depends on the health and safety of both the mother and baby. I didn't even think of a caesarean when pregnant with L and I had no birth plan so as not to be too disappointed if I said I want this or that and it didn't work out that way. Luckily. I didn't even get a chance to pack a hospital bag! I knew I wanted an epidural and that's about as far as I got thinking about the birth.

I could easily have a caesarean this time and even be awake for it. Then both my children would be born a similar way which would hopefully eliminate any guilt I may feel. That would be the easy option. But then recovery time is slower and I wouldn't be able to pick L up for 6 weeks which would be incredibly difficult for her to understand. We'll be moving house around the same time too, so I'll be useless for that (even more so than I usually am!)

I think I should give VBAC a go, so I can at least experience contractions and my water breaking and all that jazz. It may result in a caesarean anyway, but at least I tried. I know it's going to bring up a lot of emotional things for me, like not having G in the room for the birth, not being given the chance to have L naturally. I honestly don't know which option is going to be better for me emotionally and mentally. I guess I will wait until a bit further along to decide, after I've had more appointments and scans. They may find out something about my placenta or baby which will make the decision for me (I don't know if that will make me feel better or not!)

On another note, we just went through the box of newborn clothes and one of the advantages of not finding out L's gender until she way born means lots of tiny, unworn, gender neutral outfits for baby boy :)